Parents understand that mental health is a pressing issue, even for young children. According to the CDC, nearly 1 in 5 children ages 3 to 17 had ever been diagnosed with a mental, emotional, or behavioral health condition in 2021. From academic pressures to social media, kids are exposed to stressors at increasingly young ages.
While prevalence of a mental health condition increases with age, it's important for parents to understand how anxiety can show up, and how to guide children through them. To get a sense of how to navigate mental health challenges for children today, we spoke with two experts who shared insights and practical advice parents can follow.
Signs of Anxiety or Emotional Overwhelm
According to Frank J. Sileo, PhD, licensed psychologist in Ridgewood, NJ, anxiety often presents differently in children than it does in adults. This is because children don't typically have the verbal ability to express what exactly they are experiencing. "Parents should watch out for subtle behavioral changes in their child like frequent overreactions, avoidance of activities they used to enjoy, or perfectionism or needing constant reassurance. We need to be mindful of physical complaints without a known cause," says Dr. Sileo.
So what does this look like? There are a range of behaviors to watch for, but anxiety can manifest as headaches, stomach issues, trouble sleeping, or regressive behavior such as baby talk, bedwetting, and clinginess.
Certified Positive Psychology Educator & Coach Diane Lang adds to watch for these behaviors such as frequent stomach aches or headaches before school or parties and events, and "clinginess or refusal to separate, even in familiar settings where they feel comfortable."
Dr. Sileo also notes, "If your child is exhibiting any of these presentations, you may want to speak with your pediatrician or a mental health professional for additional guidance."
How Parents Can Help Build Resilience
"In my upcoming picture book called Bee Strong: Keep Buzzing Forward, I tackle the topic of building resiliency and confidence in kids. The good news is resiliency skills can be taught," says Dr. Sileo.
So, how can parents teach children resilience without minimizing their feelings? Lang points out that it's important to stay calm when children experience stress. Exhibiting stress yourself will only make children more stressed or scared. Additionally, it's important to model the behavior you want to see. Consider how you handle your own setbacks, failures, and obstacles; children are observing this closely.
Dr. Sileo echoes this sentiment. "How you respond as a parent will greatly impact your child's emotional reactions and experiences," he says. It is also important to talk through stressful situations with children, offering a safe place to discuss experiences and emotions.
"Parents need to avoid minimizing or dismissing feelings, including negative ones. In order to help our children bounce back and move forward from challenges in life, we need to work on problem-solving skills with them," says Dr. Sileo. However, he warns that this doesn't mean solving the problem for them. "We build resilience and confidence when we teach kids to persevere, move forward, and work hard in life. Encourage small steps," according to Dr. Sileo.
Simple Habits to Establish Healthy Coping Skills
Dr. Sileo points out the benefit of frequent conversations around feelings. "Don't reserve 'feelings talk' to just big events. Make it a habit to check in everyday with your kids," he says. However, it's important to find the right way to discuss feelings, since children don't always have the vocabulary to do so. Instead, "teach gradients of feeling words like disappointed, frustrated, rejection, disappointed, etc.," he adds.
Establishing routines is another way that Dr. Sileo suggests building coping skills. Sticking to a consistent bedtime, meal times, or other routines "creates a sense of predictability."
Lang also credits different exercises that parents can lead their children through to help with anxiety or emotional overwhelm. One exercise, the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness technique, encourages kids to use their senses, naming five things they see, four things they hear, three things they touch, two things they smell and one thing they taste.
Another technique parents can try is a body scan. Here's how it works. Lang encourages parents to have their children lie on their backs, close their eyes, and then squeeze every muscle in their body as tightly as possible. "Tell them to squish their toes and feet, squeeze their hands into fists, and make their legs and arms as hard as stone. They can even squeeze their faces," she says. Then, after a few seconds have passed, they can relax, before repeating several times. According to Lang, the exercise "will help reduce the tension/stress in their bodies."
Other techniques that Lang suggests include blowing bubbles, practicing gratitude and naming one thing they are grateful for, practicing an act of kindness, and mindful poses such as superman or wonder woman pose.
Lastly, Dr. Sileo reminds parents, "if your child's anxiety interferes with their daily functioning in the form of school issues, sleep disturbances, or where it interferes with their social life, seeking the help of a mental health clinician may be recommended."
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